Monday, 29 December 2014

Eulogy for a Friend

It is with mixed emotions that we announce the passing of "Spock," our beloved Vulcan Nomad. Spock has been in the family since the spring of 2007 when he arrived with only 1km showing on his odometer. It was love at first sight.

His 1600cc engine provided plenty of power on the biggest trip of his short life, when a few years back he joined three others on a trip to biker Mecca, Sturgis. The 3500km trip included stops at Mt. Rushmore, Yellowstone National Park, and several other interesting vistas and destinations. It was a good time had by all. Those who may be interested can read more details of that adventure here.

But life has a way of pitching you some sudden curve balls and changing things. Perceptions of what's really important in life can also change. Over the past few years he found himself being ridden less and less to the point where last season, other than about 400km, he remained ignored in the garage. Since the previous season wasn't much better (perhaps only 1000km in total), and the next season didn't look too promising either, it was decided that he should move on to someone who could show him a little more attention and love rather than face another abusive parked season.

Based upon the seven ride-less years between the Vulcan and his Goldwing predecessor, the odds are not good of welcoming a new bike into the family any time soon, and so we may just say goodbye altogether to another chapter in our lives, motorcycling. Oh well, as they say in French, "C'est la Vie."

Goodbye old friend. RIP.

Monday, 22 December 2014

Carolling: The Other Side of Christmas Past?

What ever happened to Christmas carol singers? Do you remember them?

Try as I might, in my fifty plus years, I don't think I've ever experienced a Christmas where I've heard people outside my door singing carols. And yet many legends and art work of Christmases past sing the praises of the carollers.

Oh, what an era that must have been as perfect strangers, innocently walking down the street, stopped suddenly outside your door to serenade you with carols of yuletide cheer.

Then again, I've often been told by my dear wife to get my hearing checked. Who knows, maybe they've been there all along and I've just been too deaf to hear them. Maybe I need a sign like this on my door too.

If ever you had any doubt before as to my twisted sense of humour, the cartoon in this post could quite possibly eliminate such a misconception.

Merry Christmas.

Cartoon source: Unknown

Saturday, 20 December 2014

A Christmas Dinner Alternative? If I Had My Way ...

Chili, it's quite possibly my favourite food. I wonder if my wife would accept this as an alternative to the usual Christmas fare offering of turkey, mashed potatoes and brussels sprouts? Hmm, probably not.

Still, if I had my way, turkeys would be perfectly safe. Cows? Not so much so. Oh well, it was worth a try; maybe next year.

In the mean time, meet "Will's, soon-to-be-famous, Chili." What's in it? I'm glad you asked. It's a secret concoction of tomatoes, ground beef, spicy Italian sausage, green peppers, onions, mushrooms, kidney and brown beans, garlic powder, chili and cayenne and black pepper, and of course, habanero peppers for that little extra punch. The only thing missing is a nice slice of buttered light rye bread and a cold beer. Heavenly!

Tempted yet? I know you are.

Tuesday, 9 December 2014

A Beer Worth Searching For: Clown Shoes, Blaecorn Unidragon Russian Imperial Stout

Well you had to know that it was about to happen sooner of later.

So today while visiting my favourite beer store, I was introduced to yet another awesome beer: "Clown Shoes Blaecorn Unidragon: Russian Imperial Stout" from Mercury Brewing Co., in Ipswich, MA.

Wow! Wow! Wow! This is definitely going to be worth an encore visit! I very well think that I may have found a new favourite; at the very least, this one's earned a place in my new top-five favourite beers list. Seriously, though, I'm starting to think it might be fun to create such a list. What an awesome beer this one turned out to be!

"Clown Shoes (what an awesome name) Blaecorn Unidragon Russian Imperial Stout" is an extra strong brew, boasting a 12.5% alc/vol. It is so dark that it's almost black in colour and I remember joking, "Should I drink it or seal the driveway with it?" That first sip of this amazing beer "Imbued with a monstrous amount of dark malt and aggressive hops" (according to the label), quickly answered that question; forget the driveway!

So if you dare, check out and search for a vendor near you. You won't be sorry. One word of advice, though, after you crack this one open, you're probably best leaving the car in the garage; after only one beer, I was left with a good buzz.

So until next time, fellow beer snobs, remember, life's too short to drink crappy beer. Cheers!

Saturday, 6 December 2014

A Glimpse into Yesteryear's Advertising

Advertising that we'll never see again ... Thankfully.

I wonder if my wife would really be happier Christmas morning if I bought her a Hoover? Hmm

Maybe instead of a Hoover, she'd rather have a new Kenwood mixer. Is that "what wives are for?" Wow!

If neither the Hoover nor the Kenwood appeal to her, or if she already got them on Christmases past, we could always let her choose one of these sexy new kitchen gadgets. Wouldn't she be thrilled?

Don't worry about getting fat by keeping your wife in the kitchen all the time. Last time she went shopping she stocked up on jar-packed "Sanitized Tape Worms." They will take care of any extra calories. So go ahead; "Eat, Eat, Eat!"

Then, when the baby needs feeding, she can further bond with the child over a Blatz beer. What a great way to be "Picked Up" after a long day of cooking and cleaning.  And when little Mary grows up, she'll fondly remember her first "Girl's Night Out" with mom, assuming she has any brain cells left to remember mom with.

"How soon is too soon?" When it's time to wean junior off mother's milk and Blatz beer, it's only logical that it's time to introduce the child to cola. Yummy. Apparently it's never too soon.

Once that cola habit is firmly in place, it's time to introduce them to that wonderful babysitter, your new Motorola television set. The benefits to our children are ... "better behaviour at home and better marks in school." Hmm.

Then after too much cola while being properly educated in front of all those hours of TV, the toothaches will begin due to all that sugar. Thankfully there's Lloyd Manufacturing's "Cocaine Toothache Drops," guaranteed to bring an instantaneous cure ... and a life-long addictions problem.

Of course, it's not just the teeth that will rot and fall out from all that cola; mama's little princess may become mama's little "Chubbie." No matter, Lane Bryant has a wardrobe for her too. Doesn't that just ring out encouragement? Hmm.

Guys, what can we say? The harder our wives work, the cuter they look. It must be true; advertisers don't lie, do they? Now if that isn't the best pick up line ever, I don't know what is. (I'm kidding, of course).

If she doesn't follow you with that pick up line, try blowing smoke in her face and she'll certainly follow you anywhere. There's no turn-on for a woman quite as grand as second-hand smoke deliberately blown her way!

She may even follow you to see the doctor about that sore throat. No doubt the doctor will recommend you give up the Tipalets you've been smoking and switch to Camels. After all, "More doctors smoke camels than any other cigarette!" Doctor knows best.

So go ahead, "Have a fag!" Everyone knows, there's probably a better chance of being killed by being struck by a bus than from smoking anyway. Have a fag?

And what a better place to enjoy "a fag," than by taking "a Gay Cruise." Doesn't that just sound wonderful? Look how much fun those adults are having playing with their children's puppets. Doesn't it just make you want to book a voyage on American Export Lines? Where do I sign up? Hmm, Not!

Well there you have it; a glimpse back in time to yesteryear's advertising. If we've changed that much since those days, it kind of makes one wonder what advertising will look like in 50 or 100 years from now. Do you suppose future generations will shake their heads in disbelief at our advertising today just like we've done with ads such as these? I wonder what other common words today will someday evolve into completely different meanings. Hmm.