Sunday, 12 January 2014

A Guy's Perspective of 'the Rules'

Ever notice how we men always seem to hear 'the rules' from the female side? Now finally someone has taken the time to write ‘the rules’ from the male’s perspective.

Guys, these are our rules!

They are not original to me, so feel free to tweak them and post them as you see fit (or are brave enough to), however I accept no responsibility for the consequences you may face with the fairer sex if you actually choose to do so. Please note that these are all deliberately numbered #1, for they are all equally important.

1. Men are not mind readers.

1. You’re a big girl; learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down; you don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work; strong hints do not work; obvious hints do not work; just say it!

1. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it; that's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. You really don’t need to ask us.

1. If something we allegedly said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, but not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. All men see in only 16 colors. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine ... really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape; round is a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

The preceding announcement has been brought to you by ERAM (Equal Rights Association for Men).

Source: While I have tweaked the preceding story, it is not original to me, and as such is anonymous.
Caveat: The preceding is written in jest, and any association with an actual "ERAM" is purely coincidental.

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