Monday, 21 January 2013

One Day at the Doctor's Conference

Once upon a time there were five surgeons at a doctor’s conference discussing whether or not a person’s career actually has a bearing on what kind of patient they would be, and whether or not one type of professional is easier to operate on than another.

The first surgeon said, “I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

The second responded, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.”

The third surgeon offered his suggestion saying, “No, I really think librarians are the best patients; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”

The fourth surgeon chimed into the discussion with, “You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.”

However, in the end, those four surgeons unanimously agreed with the fifth surgeon when he finally spoke up and said, “You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine. Plus, the head and the ass are usually interchangeable.”

Photo & Story Source: Unknown

Sunday, 20 January 2013

Parenting Awards

When the baby is hungry, well ...

Please join me in welcoming, all the way from the island of "Brain Dead," the first contestant in this year's Parenting Awards.

I cannot imagine what could possibly go wrong. After all, at least dad is wearing a helmet. And as for mom, I'm sure she is perfectly safe nursing her baby while riding side-saddle like that. Hmm.

I sure hope this picture is not real and is only photoshopped, but you never know; it takes all kinds.

Photo Source: Unknown

Sunday, 13 January 2013

Nine Reasons to Live in Alberta

1. Alberta is Canada's only rat-free province. It's been clean since 1905. However, if you like rats, then this could be a problem for you. So please, leave your pet rats at home before coming to visit us.

2. The provincial government owns the rights to Alberta's mineral resources, so licence fees and taxes on energy companies profits come to provincial coffers as opposed to federal ones. Sorry Ottawa, it's all ours!

3. Alberta has the best overall weather of all Canadian provinces, according to Environment Canada. If Alberta's weather was any better, lots of Americans would probably want to pack their bags and move here, eh?

4. Albertans spend more in retail stores than other Canadians, suggesting they have higher disposable incomes and more buying power. Alberta is growing faster economically than any other Canadian province. The downside to this is, do we really need to consume more? Hmm, maybe that's a bitter-sweet advantage.

5. Alberta has one of the highest rates of fatal car accidents in Canada. OK, maybe that's not a good reason to live in Alberta, but if knowing this statistic would only make us all more careful behind the wheel, then that would be something to brag about. Unfortunately, too many Albertans still don't seem to realize that we now have a "Distracted Driving" law, or they simply don't care.

6. Alberta has a dinosaur named after it; the Albertosaurus Sarcophagus. This is not necessarily a good reason to want to live in Alberta, but it is kind of cool. If you're into dinosaurs, then your visit to Alberta wouldn't be complete without a stop in Drumheller.

7. Alberta has some of the smartest people in North America, with almost two-thirds of the population having a post-secondary qualification. Solomon once said, "Wise men store up knowledge" (Proverbs 10:14), so I guess you could say, Alberta is a "storehouse for knowledge." OK, that's a bit of a stretch, but I thought it was funny.

8. Alberta is completely self-sufficient in terms of drinking water, but we aren't hoarders of the stuff, as more than 90% of the prairie provinces potable water comes from Alberta. There really is no good reason for anyone to be thirsty in Alberta.

9. Finally, Alberta has no Provincial Sales Tax, no provincial general capital tax, no payroll tax, no machinery and equipment tax, and we also boast Canada's lowest fuel taxes. Wow! However, if you love paying taxes, you may want to reconsider moving to Alberta.

So there you have it; the Alberta advantage, reinterpreted by "The Other Side of Will" and a bathroom trivia book. Any more questions?

Statistic Source: Bathroom Book of Alberta Trivia

Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons

Friday, 11 January 2013

A Mid-Winter's Daydream

I was thinking about how many times the average person has to shovel their driveway in the winter months. Of course the answer to that, assuming it can even be calculated at all, varies depending on where you live, and from year to year. However, I am thinking primarily about the typical Canadian-like winters, for that is where my experience lies.

A couple years ago I invested in a snow blower. I was tired of constantly manually shoveling my long driveway, crawling back into the house with a sore back, and a couple times even wondering if I was about to keel over with a heart attack.

I am starting to wonder if maybe we’re doing this winter snow removal thing wrong. As someone once said, “If God put the snow there, He can remove it.” What if, instead of shoveling every time it snows, we just left it there? What if, instead of wrecking our backs and risking heart attacks, we all just said, “No, I’m not doing this any more!?”

I vote that we all just invest in snowmobiles and snowshoes, and let the snow sit where the good Lord put it until He chooses to remove it again. I’m sure there must be some good reason for it being there, and if so, then it stands to reason that it certainly must be wrong for me to move it all the time. Maybe the reason it keeps snowing is because we keep moving it. Maybe if we left it where it lay, there would be no reason for God to keep sending us more.

Yup, I can just see it now. Just as the warmer months are known for the motorcycles and joggers, in the same way the colder months would be known for its snowmobiles and cross-country skiers. Now, wouldn’t that be kind of fun? 

So who is with me? Is it time to throw away your snow shovel? Sorry, what was that? Oh, okay, if you insist. You say that it is time for me to wake up and step back into reality? Got it. Besides, I think it’s time to go and clear my driveway … again.