Tuesday, 31 December 2013

The Sum of All Human Knowledge

One small section of my humble little library collection.
Have you ever wondered how many volumes of books it would take to sum up the entire wealth of human knowledge?

Let's put this another way; if everything on Google was printed, how many pages would be required? Would the world's largest libraries be large enough to contain the vast sum of all human knowledge?

I used to think of such a concept as being totally immeasurable, kind of like counting the sand on the seashore, but I was wrong. (I know, I know, it's not like me to be wrong -LOL).

Apparently the total sum of all human knowledge can neatly fit into two simple textbooks. It's true; if I didn't see it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it either. Take a look for yourself. Does this not say "The Sum of All Human Knowledge?" LOL.

Well there you have it! So forget all those bookshelves full of expensive books. Apparently all we really need in order to know it all is this simple two-volume set. Happy reading.

Photo Source: Unknown (via Facebook)

Monday, 23 December 2013

A Christmas Tradition Gets A Setback

It appears that there has been a setback to the Christmas traditions of millions.

While the much adored Santa Claus was taking the team through its annual pre-Christmas warm up exercises, a deranged hunter let loose with several rounds into the night sky, right into the path of the oncoming sleigh. Santa Claus and all the reindeer are dead.

Authorities identified the gunman as Jack Frost of no fixed address. Asked why he did it, Mr. Frost told reporters that had been a victim childhood reindeer pranks that included "laughing and calling him names." Doctors confirmed that Frost was off his medications at the time.

Our condolences to the millions of children who are understandably upset at the news.

Meanwhile in related news, despite a shortage of deer in the area, several popular foodie personalities have been gathering at the SC Bistro in the north pole village of Tofu for their annual venison burger cook-off.

Organizers denied allegations that there was a connection between the shooting deaths of Santa and his reindeer, and this year's cook-off.

Photo Sources: Unknown (via Facebook)

Saturday, 7 December 2013

How to Choose a Bottle of Wine

Ever go into a liquor store and see people in the wine aisles with that blank "deer caught in the headlight" stare on their faces? The fact is, for some people choosing a bottle of wine is like sorting through a bag of mixed rice; ultimately it all looks the same.

I have no idea where this came from. I think I found it on that great time-waster of our modern age, Facebook. Having said that, maybe liquor stores need to have something like this posted at the end of their wine aisles.

So let's get started. Who's going to be drinking it; you or someone else?

No need to thank me; glad to have been able to help.

Source: Unknown

Sunday, 1 December 2013

of Crotch Fixations and Signal Lights

I had to laugh when I saw this online the other day. Apparently someone else has the same pet peeve as I do with the moronic antics of some drivers out there.

Really, people? Is a signal light properly applied, before a planned turn, that difficult of a concept? Apparently there are still some folks who are not aware that their vehicle even comes equipped with such a gadget.

I don't know if it's true or not, but I'm reminded of the story of the rage of one driver who got out of his car at the busy intersection, and using a baseball bat, smashed out the tail lights of the suddenly stopped car in front of him. When confronted by the driver with the now busted tail lights, he simply said, "I figured that if you're not going to use them, no sense you having them."

Now I'm not condoning road-rage, but sometimes I can understand the sentiment. Really, people? Is a signal light properly applied, before a planned turn, that difficult of a concept? What's really amazing to me is that there are not more such incidents of road-rage, given the number of morons out there behind the wheel.

Think, people! Stop looking at your crotch (cell phone), and drive! Just saying ...

Saturday, 23 November 2013

Love in the Mental Hospital

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said,

"Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged. Since you were able to respond rationally to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays that you have a sound mind. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

Source: Unknown

Tuesday, 19 November 2013

Dear Dr. Ruth,

Who remembers Dr. Ruth? In case you don't know who I'm talking about, here's a short bio:

“Ruth Westheimer (born June 4, 1928) is an American sex therapist, media personality, and author best known as Dr. RuthThe New York Times described her as a "Sorbonne-trained psychologist who became a kind of cultural icon in the 1980s.… She ushered in the new age of freer, franker talk about sex on radio and television—and was endlessly parodied for her limitless enthusiasm and for having an accent only a psychologist could have." (via Wikipedia)

Recently I accidentally came across the following letter addressed to the good Doctor. Unfortunately, partly because of the illegible signature, it is difficult to ascertain the true authorship of the letter. Furthermore, it is equally unfortunate that Dr. Ruth's reply to this poor troubled soul also appears to have become lost. Hopefully in the end, this poor woman was able to find some help from her unfortunate circumstances. 

Source: Unknown

Sunday, 10 November 2013

A Feast Fit For A ...

Do you like to eat? Are you a bit of a "foodie" like me?

Anyone who has followed this little blog for a while will no doubt have realized by now that, among other interests, I am also a bit of a hobby cook. On days off when I have a little more time, I've often been known to experiment with different culinary creations.

Some of these masterpieces (even if only masterpieces in my own mind) include wine making, BBQ creations, exotic soups and sandwiches, and more recently, various experiments from my new smoker. It's a hobby I enjoy, and I think others have enjoyed being the recipients of this hobby too. For some examples of these, simply click on the "Food" label on this blog.

Having said that, I don't think I've ever cooked a meal that registered over 79,000 calories before. As a matter of fact, I know that I haven't. Apparently they did just that on this video. If nothing else, it looks like this could be a lot of fun. However, conspicuously absent at the table, I noticed, was a defibrillator. I'm sure I'd need one.

So as my American friends and neighbours (note the "Canadian" spelling - LOL) start gearing up for their Thanksgiving later this month, and especially if you're getting a little bored with the traditional turkey, here's another idea to grace the table with. Just be sure to save some room for desert.

Happy Thanksgiving, America.

Do you suppose they had any leftovers?

Sunday, 3 November 2013

Daylight Savings Time: A Time for Lunacy?

Happy Time Traveller Day!

Once again it’s that time of year where many of us get to run all around the house changing clocks. Maybe one of these years I will actually remember how to change the clock in my car (groan). Thankfully our smart phones and computers automatically do the changing for us.

If you ask me (and even if you didn’t), Daylight Savings Time is nothing but a waste of time!

Why doesn’t everyone observe it? I like to think that it’s because there are still some politicians out there who also know that Daylight Savings Time is a waste of time. I like to think that there are still some powers that be who aren’t easily bullied into following the status quo of forcing this useless little exercise on the rest of us. If I wanted exercise, I'd go to the gym.

I’m sure that we’ve all heard some of the arguments in favour of DST, such as the energy savings that we will be able to enjoy as a result of it. Proponents of this madness would have us to believe that if we advance our clocks during the months that are already lighter, we would have more daylight in the evenings and less in the mornings. While some studies have claimed to prove this saves energy, others have disproved it by showing that the reverse is actually true due in large part to an increased use of air conditioning and other appliances.

Then there are those, like me, who have long since forgotten what it means to sleep in and who typically wake up earlier than most. Since there is now less daylight in the early morning, thanks again to the DST, we burn more energy in the mornings through the use of more artificial lighting. "Early to bed, early to rise," said the old maxim. Unfortunately, sometimes all that extra light means that it's harder to get to bed earlier, because we've insisted on manipulating the natural created order of time.

And then there’s the toll that all this nonsense plays on our internal clocks. Who hasn’t suffered the effects of that? As someone has jokingly suggested, maybe the real truth in DST is that the whole thing is nothing more than a conspiracy by the coffee companies to get us to buy more coffee. Hmm.

So if we’re going to continue with this lunacy of bi-annual Time Travel, I wish someone would figure out a way to make it worthwhile, say by changing the clocks back 20 years instead of only 60 minutes. Now that would be interesting; take DST to the next level and make it sort of like a reset button on life.

Well there you have it, my Daylight Savings Time rant.

You May Also Want to See: Time: The Great Obsession. A post from my other blog.
Photo Source: Unknown

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

10 Signs Your Beard Is Too Big

As a guy who has sported a beard for most of his life, this struck me funny.

I've had all three lengths of beards depicted here at one time or another. Some have been short and neatly cropped, and others long enough to hide a dinner plate in. Sometimes they've been trimmed low on the cheek, and other times you almost couldn't tell where the beard stopped and the eyebrows began.

I have a patch on my leather biker vest that depicts a bearded face, and a caption which says, "There's a word for people without beards: Women." Needless to say, it has turned a few heads.

I have joked that if the good Lord gave me the ability to grow a beard, He must have meant for me to have a beard. 

I told that to an uncle once, who promptly replied, "and the Lord gave you the ability to father 100's of children too, but He probably doesn't want you to do that." Hmm, perhaps he was right; two were expensive enough.

Still, I love my beard and couldn't imagine a clean-shaven existence.

Photo Source: Unknown (via Facebook)

Saturday, 19 October 2013

Fast-Food? No Thank You!

On the way home from running some Saturday errands, I very nearly convinced myself to stop in at a fast-food establishment to deal with some hunger issues that were starting to get the better of me. I'm glad I didn't.

Instead I decided to make a sandwich at home, and what a sandwich it was! Certainly it was worthy of a picture so that I could share it with you. Looks pretty amazing, doesn't it?

It all began by pulling out of the freezer a homemade burger patty that I made a while ago; half beef, half pork, some garlic and cayenne pepper, and of course, chopped raw onion. I cut the burger patty in half lengthwise in order to make it not quite as thick and to allow it to grill quicker. When it was nearly done, I basted it with "Bull's-Eye Hot Southern Cajun" barbecue sauce (my favourite, I might add).

Then came the wonderful fixings. This began with toasted European rye bread, some "Hellmann's Real Mayonnaise," a couple slices of raw onion, some Canadian Old Cheddar, Hot Chunky Salsa, and two chopped "California Pickled Hot Chili Peppers." Then came the meat paddies, some more Hot Chunky Salsa, and some sliced Garlic Dill Pickles.

The only problem that I didn't foresee was how to dislocate my jaw enough to get the thing in my mouth ... but I managed. It was soooo good.

So next time you're thinking of a greasy-spoon restaurant, I'd challenge you to try a special creation of your own at home instead. No fast-food joint can even come close, and besides, you'll eat healthier and have fun doing it.

Happy eating.

Sunday, 13 October 2013

99 Mouth-Watering Cat Recipes: Number 67

Good news for Mexican food lovers: Cats aren't only for Chinese food anymore. Now you can enjoy your favourite tabby taco style as well.

Who doesn't enjoy tacos?

It is so easy. Start with an extra large taco shell, and add one medium sized tabby. Then garnish with some lettuce, tomatoes, grated cheddar cheese, salsa and a couple dollops of sour cream. For a little variety, try adding some fresh shrimp; it will take your tacocat experience to a whole new level.

Doesn't that sound good? Yum.

I have often heard people complain about stray cats, but I have no problem with them; they provide a steady stream of free meat. I mean, why would anyone want to pay those unbelievably high prices for fresh meat in the grocery store, when on almost any given day, one finds the meat simply wandering right into your yard? It's almost as if they're volunteering to end up on the menu.

So if the grocery budget is tight, be sure to try all of the "99 Mouth-Watering Cat Recipes." You'll be glad that you did. However, please remember to use only traps approved by your local humane society.

Sunday, 29 September 2013

A Bachelor Party Gone Wrong?

"Swedish guy impregnates 4 women during bachelor party! 9 months later - the local 'new born this week' page."

There is really nothing profound that I can share here about that newspaper article. I do not know where this originated; while I found it online, I couldn't help but think that it probably originated in one of the tabloids.

I Googled it and found several mentions of this article, and though I clicked on several of them, I found virtually nothing more than what you see here. One post, however, suggested that this was an April Fool's joke.

Hopefully that's all it was, and if so, it is pretty funny. On the other hand, if it's true then I feel sorry for all involved.

So there you have it; I will leave it for you to decide. Whatever it is or isn't, it seems worthy of my "Weird Stuff" label.

Monday, 16 September 2013

Finally, the Truth About Speeding

"You were doing the speed limit.
I found that suspicious."
Does speed kill?

Insurance companies, police and the media would like us to believe that. But does it really? I've always questioned the logic of that statement because I've also always maintained that driving below the average speed of traffic causes more chances of motor accidents than so-called speeding.

Granted, there are excessive speeders out there, but I'm not talking about them. I'm referring to Joe-driver who is driving down the highway at 120 k/hr, and not at the posted speed limit of 100 k/hr, because that is the flow of traffic and the road conditions allow for it. He's not the cause of accidents, but the guy up ahead driving at 90 k/hr is the cause of the accident.

Now generally speaking, I'm not really a conspiracy theorist, but in this case I'm tempted to make an exception. Lately I am more and more inclined to believe that the real reason for those ultra-low speed limits is that they are cash-cows for the insurance companies and the police departments imbedded with them. As for the media, well as we all know, you can't believe everything you hear from them.

Finally someone put together a video that not only makes a lot of sense, but also reveals the stupidity of many of the speed laws out there, and it does so with a bit of a comical twist. I hope you enjoy it; I sure did.

A big thanks goes to my friend Brian for sharing this link with me.

Saturday, 14 September 2013

Whisky Beer?

So I was in my favourite liquor store the other day and was exploring some of the exotic imported beers when I saw this: "1488 Premium Whisky Beer."

Say what?! Whisky Beer?

As a fan of both beer and single malt scotch whisky, you had to know I'd find that intriguing. However, I've never thought of the two mated together in the same bottle before. Thankfully the store offered them available as single bottles so that I could sample it without investing in a full case.

It hails from the Tullibardine Distillery in Scotland. For some reason, that's not really a surprise, for who knows Scotch Whisky better than the Scotch?

What makes this "Whisky Beer" unique? Here's a little blurb from the back of the bottle:

"Brewed with Scottish water and malted barley used in the distillation process. Then gently conditioned in oak casks used to mature scotch whisky."

Well, there you have it; whisky beer. And at 7% alcohol per volume, it's a little stronger than the standard 5% one sees in most Canadian beers.

So please excuse me; time to sit back and enjoy an interesting, but really quite good, Scottish beer. Cheers.

Saturday, 7 September 2013

When the Skies Come Alive; 2

Back in June 2013 I posted some awesome sky shots in a post I called When the Skies Come Alive. This post is the sequel.

I love taking pictures of the evening skies. The following pictures were all taken with my cell phone from the deck of my house.

I hope you enjoy them.

The picture on the right had a spiritual application for me, in that it reminded me of what I imagine the sky might look like when the Lord returns for His church.

When I took this picture, the whole sky looked like a bunch of cotton balls. It was so cool.

The weather reports were warning of some potential heavy rain and hail. Looking at the sky, something seemed to be coming, but thankfully it didn't materialize.

Three distinct sky colours and textures in one frame; the dark blue of an imminent storm, the fluffy cotton ball clouds, and the clear blue sky on the horizon.

Finally, what is probably my favourite from last night's sky gazing. It almost looks like the whole sky is on fire. Beautiful.

Thursday, 5 September 2013

Mini German Pancakes

Do you like fruit and pancakes? While at the time of this posting I haven't tried it yet, this recipe I just found does look like fun; mini German pancakes made in a muffin tin. How cool is that?

1 cup milk
6 eggs
1 cup (all-purpose) flour
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. vanilla
1/4 cup butter, melted

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Blend first five ingredients in a blender. Be sure to smooth out any flour lumps. Blend in butter a little at a time. Grease muffin tins well and fill slightly less than half-full. Bake for 15 minutes, or until puffy and golden on top. The crater will form on its own. Add your favorite toppings and a dusting of powdered sugar. Yield: 12 - 18, depending on the size of your muffin tin.

If you try the recipe, drop me a quick comment and let me know your thoughts.

Happy eating.

Source: Unknown (via Facebook)