Tuesday, 10 May 2011

God Loves Drunk People Too

Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons
I've often been told that I have a sick sense of humour, to which I often reply that "a sick sense of humour is better than no sense of humour." I believe that we have to learn to laugh more than we do. Too many of us go around looking like we've been baptised in vinegar or lemon juice. There is nothing wrong with having a little fun, provided that our laughter is rooted in purity and is clean as opposed to some form of coarse joking that offends others. After all, Paul does warn us in Ephesians 5:4 that there should not be any "obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking" in our lives.

Well here is a joke that was emailed to me recently. I'm not sure where it came from, nor who thinks these things up. However, it did strike me funny and so I thought I would share it with you. May it put a smile into your day and may God bless you today with some wholesome laughter.

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it’s 3 am in the morning and it’s bloody pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? “I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself. Remember - God loves drunk people too.”

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

Sunday, 8 May 2011

Retirement Investing

What does it take to retire today? Well, whatever it takes, I know that it will be a lot more than I have in my savings, especially given the fact that like many of us, I have no savings account. Perhaps that is why I tell people that I am on the "Freedom 85 Plan." Hmm, while said in jest, it may not be too far off the mark.

I used to have a RRSP (Registered Retirement Savings Plan), but the recession pretty much took care of devaluing that and left me with only a small fraction of what it once was worth. The small change that was left has long since been cashed in, while there was some cash to still be had from it.

People used to recommend investing in the stock markets, but like my RRSP, that may no longer be the best advice to prepare for retirement. The whole thing is just too uncertain. So what is a person to do? Work until the day before one's own funeral? For many that may be the sad reality; work hard, pay your taxes, and then die. Isn't that a cheerful thought? Hmm.

I don't remember where I got this from, but it illustrates this all too well. Maybe this is a more likely retirement plan for many of us:

If you had purchased $1000 of Nortel stock a year ago, it would now be worth $49. 
With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. 
With WorldCom, you would have less than $5 left. 
If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Airlines stock, you would have $49 left. 
But if you had purchased $1000 worth of wine one year ago, drank all the wine, then returned the bottles for the recycling refund, you would have $214. 
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

Well, there you have it; free investment advice. No need to thank me; I'm just glad that I was able to be of some help. However, a final caveat is in order; I take no responsibility for your liver.  

Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons