Sunday, 25 October 2015

of Toilets and Smartphones

Remember the old complaint of yesteryear that so-and-so was taking too long in the bathroom? The complaint usually want against women, and it usually seemed to happen back in the days when most of us only had one washroom in the house (compared with the three we have today for only the two of us - Hmm).

Could you imagine how much worse it would have been had smartphones been invented back then too? The guys would all be headed for the nearest tree! In all fairness, though, smartphones have helped introduce men to extended bathroom visits too. Maybe that's why the rule of thumb when shopping for a new home today is (or ought to be), the more bathrooms, the better. At the very least, there should be one per resident. Anything less and perhaps phones should be checked at the door before heading into the throne room.

All this does beg one other question: Is it really ever wise to use someone else's phone without first putting on rubber gloves and going through a stringent ten minutes or so introduction of the phone to disinfectant wipes? At the risk of being really gross, without that precautionary step, who knows what little critters we would risk transferring to fingertip or ear. Yucky!

Bet you'll never look at your friend or spouse's phone the same way again J

Caveat: The preceding was NOT written or reviewed from a bathroom throne.
Photo Source: Unknown

Tuesday, 20 October 2015

The Drunk in the Mirror

I was sitting in a bar having drinks with a friend the other night, when I casually pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and said, "That's us in ten years."

My friend looked at where I was pointing, looked back at me, and calmly said, "That's a mirror, dipshit." I guess I had had enough. It turned out that the drunk in the mirror was apparently me. Hmm.

Joke Source: Unknown
Photo Credit: Timo Arnall, Flickr Creative Commons

Sunday, 4 October 2015

Ask A Stupid Question, Get A Stupid Answer

I went to the store the other day to buy a bag of dog food. While in the check out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Stupid question, I thought. Why else would I be buying dog food?

So I answered her ...

"No, I don't have a dog. I'm starting the dog food diet again. I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time. I lost 50 pounds before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms." I continued my tale and told her that it was essentially a perfect diet. "All that I did was load my pockets with food nuggets and simply eat one or two every time I felt hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so it works well. That's why I'm buying the dog food; I'm going to try it again."

Horrified, she then asked if I ended up in the ICU because the dog food poisoned me. I replied, "No, I stepped off the curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me." That ended the conversation.

Moral of the story: Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.

Photo Source: Steven Mileham, Flickr Creative Commons
Story Source: Unknown (via Facebook). Too good not to share.